The maid of honor just puked.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Acid is not a monday night drug
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
