and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Randomize
