I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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