Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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