she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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