Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
