You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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