Where are you?
In a non slutty way
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Randomize
