awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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