I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Randomize
