What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
