You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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