I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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