i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
