Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
