capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize