She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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