so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
