and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
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