you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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