did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize