Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
