Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
she woke up with a sticky ear
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
