3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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