I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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