Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
