I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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