just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
