He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
