he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
