We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
