respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
