Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Randomize
