I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
My liver just had a heart attack.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
