yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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