I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
