Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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