Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
