Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
