ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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