The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
