Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
