They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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