thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
