if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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