I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
