remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
