you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
