I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
