this beer tastes like vomit already
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
