I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
she told me i tasted like america
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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