I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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