Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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