i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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