How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
