I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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