You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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