Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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