Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
