I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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