Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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