I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
