Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
