Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
should my penis look like a turkey
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
