While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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