I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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