Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
