IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
