I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I didn't notice because vodka
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
