when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
